So it’s been a while… I’m an onwards and upwards kinda girl so I’m not going to write some long, drawn out explanation as to why I haven’t been blogging, heck with the wordpress issues I’ve been having of late I doubt I even have any readers left! But if you have stuck it out then rest assured I’m going to try and find the time to focus on my blog again, because boy have I missed it!
It wasn’t until last night that I realised just how caught up I’d got on the little things, things that no longer matter. It was as if everything was coming back into focus. I found myself smiling at absolutely nothing and laughing at the sheer joy of being alive and witnessing such beauty around me. It was random but wonderful all at the same time. Suddenly the issues of the past year no longer felt like failings. I have so much to be thankful for, so much I’ve achieved and yet until last night I’d taken it all for granted. I guess I’m hiding behind the fact my blog is likely to still be having downtime for the next few weeks whilst I wait for my old domain’s cancellation to go through. That and the fact that this is the first post in an incredibly long while where I’m actually writing for me. I want to be able to look back on this post and know it was a pivotal moment in my life. To look back at the pictures I took and remember that heady euphoria that made me realise just how lucky I am.
I guess I’ve spent a long time feeling like walking away made me a failure. That I was weak for not being able to help the person I loved any longer, but I was worn out emotionally and physically. By the end I hardly recognised myself. I felt old before my time and resentful. It’s taken a long time to realise that it’s ok not to be ok all of the time. That it’s ok to take some time for me. I spent so long trying to prise him from the clutches of mental health that I completely lost sight of everything else around me. For five years it was all I knew, so it’s taken a while to adjust to the spontaneity of life. But I’m back and for the first time in a long time I feel like me again. In time I may elaborate further, in the hope that I can perhaps offer a shining beacon of hope to others that have fallen victim to a loved one suffering from mental health, but until then I’ll leave you with some pictures of the day I realised just how lucky I am.
According To Gem 